Healing After Break Up

Being in love is probably the most magical experience we can have as humans. Love guarantees spontaneity when life gets a little mundane. It offers a place of growth, comfort, something we can surrender to when the outside world gets rough. This intense experience make it all the more difficult to heal from the break-up of a serious relationship. Here are 5 values to reflect on while healing.

1. Understand and Validate The Pain

Maybe you never got closure with your ex and continue to question why it ended. The emotions are a revolving door of reliving what once was. Maybe, it’s the strong attachment you formed with one another because of all the time spent, secrets shared, and intimate moments. The pain is a result of the loss– once identities are interwinded– a break up can often feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself.

We always talk about being vulnerable with others, but forget to do so with ourselves. Often times, vulnerability is the hardest part in confronting pain. It’s easy to convince yourself to sweep your emotions under the rug and not confront the grief. Unfortunately, emotions don’t go away so easily, especially with deeper heartbreaks. It’s important to be vulnerable with yourself and validate your own feelings so you can work through and learn from the experience. Transformative lessons come from working through heartbreak.

2. Don’t Dwell on the Old Memories

Healing after break up is not easy, but there’s a fine line between processing a heartbreaking situation and dwelling over it. For me, it’s most important to consistently validate my emotions, no matter how far in the past the heartbreak was. But we ultimately must move on. Scrolling through your ex’s social media, opting to stay friends and continuing to hang out with them, only bring temporary satisfaction. In my experience, this only slows down the process of healing and leaves us more hurt than before. 

3. Set New Expectations for Potential Love

Sometimes the best way to remember who you are is to meet new people and be reminded of your individuality and admirable traits.

Of course, sometimes new love is hard to accept. It may be challenging not to compare potential partners with your past lover. Understand that love is often built over time, so be careful not to expect the same intensity when you first start dating again. Healthy comparisons, however, may consist of following your intuition when negative similarities are present. Pay attention to those red flags, as it is not uncommon to attract the same unwanted experiences back into your life, especially if you don’t process your new standards for love and give yourself time to heal.

Your potential partners don’t have to resemble your ex. Dating is an opportunity to learn new things about someone and to rediscover yourself. It’s an opportunity to build something meaningful with someone new.

4. Trust Takes Time to Rebuild 

While dating, have fun and live in the moment. Your intuition will talk to you when neccesary, but be careful not to overanalyze. No one wants to be hurt again, but while this protective measure can be helpful, it can also be harmful.

People lose trust over more than just cheating or lying. Being hesitant to trust new people also stems from the feeling of betrayal when someone breaks your heart. Don’t project past experiences onto new people. And if you find that you’re doing this more so than often, casual dating may be appropriate, but you’re most likely not ready to jump into anything serious.

This is why the third healing reminder of setting new expectations and intentions before dating again is important— because in any case, falling is much easier than getting back up. 

5. Healing Takes Time

Sometimes, you might think you’re over your ex, but experience mixed emotions over receiving a text from them months later. Understand healing after break up takes tim and relationships are intense. So be patient with yourself. The pain gets easier to handle with time.

There are billions of people on this planet, of which there are likely thousands with whom you are compatible. Don’t let pain steal your chance at all the wonder that love brings. So if you’re afraid to get hurt again teach yourself to live in the present– because if there’s anything worth falling for, it’s love. 

If you’re having a hard time recovering from a loss of relationship, consider seeking help with a mental health professional.

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