Most of us have had our share of unhealthy relationships. Some situations are obvious, while others are more deceiving. Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you will make. Often times however we settle because we don’t feel we deserve better, we can’t leave because so much time has been invested in the relationship or we just don’t know we are in an unhealthy situation. There are signs that can be easily looked over, but are red flags to a path of heartache. Here are 6 deceiving signs of an unhealthy relationship.

 1.You Spend All Your Time With Them 

Every moment you get is spent with your partner and no one else– not even yourself. Quality time is important, but it is easy to believe that spending every waking moment with your significant other is indicative of love, especially if previous relationships consisted of we don’t spend enough time together and you never call me. Balance is key with relationships, so if you don’t spend time alone to fill your mind and spirit and work on your goals, what will you have to give to your partner? Also, make sure other relationships do not suffer by being intentional in spending time with friends and family as well. Too much time is a sign that you are neglecting yourself, others and your purpose. And you are using your relationship to fill a void rather than building a partnership. Too much time together is sure to cause future issues in your romance.

 2. All You Do Is Have Sex

Sexual chemistry  is important, but if all you’re doing is having sex it could be you don’t know how to connect with your partner on a spiritual or intellectual level. Physicality will one day fade and you’ll need to have a deeper tie that does not involve just having sex. You must also ask, if sex is the primary bond, then what separates you from the next person who is just as or maybe even more attractive? A relationship founded from lust can only end in destruction. Lust is confused with love, unhealthy soul ties and confusing emotions occur.  Without any purpose the relationship will eventually grow old.


 3. You’re Emotionally Dependent on Them

This one is a hard one to distinguish, but an important one nonetheless. If you depend on your partner to make you happy, you’re probably doing it all wrong. Gaining a sense of self-worth and security is important in a relationship because while a partner is there to support, empathize and hold you up in your weak moments, they should never take the role of God. It is impossible for a human to fulfill every vulnerable knick and cranny, to know every thought and emotion.  While this may be a hard concept to follow, you must know that even without your significant other, you can stand alone. Emotional dependency is a sign of insecurity and you could be putting pressure on someone to give you joy that truth be told, only God can bring.

 4. You Can’t Be Yourself 

If you’re in a relationship and you’re not your goofy self because you don’t want to feel embarrassed or you hold back your strong personality out of fear of intimidating them, you are not ready to be in that relationship. The beauty about being in a romantic partnership is the freedom to be vulnerable and be your full self without the fear of judgement. Yes, most of us tend to restrain ourselves in the dating stage, but at some point those walls must come down and that point should be before the relationship. If you are holding back it is a sure sign that the connection you’ve made is founded based upon physical, material or one of you just can’t be alone and you’re willing to settle. A forced relationship is never healthy– its time to break it off.

5. You’re Relying On Potential & Not Reality

I see their potential, said every girl ever. Yes potential is important, without it a lot of people would not have believed in themselves enough to grow. The issue with potential in a relationship however is you’re attempting to build something with someone you’ve already acknowledged is not living or attempting to live their best life. It is okay to encourage someone, but never use potential to stick around in an unhappy situation. Too often we project our own ideas of who we feel a person may be onto them, which in return can cause more harm than good for both parties. If your significant other has potential let them find it on their own. You’re too special to be with someone who isn’t ready to grow anyway, and if they are, support them but its not your job to change others, they have to want it for themselves.

6. Purpose Does Not Align

Everything could feel almost perfect with your partner, personality, conversation, attraction, communication etc. But through it all there’s this gaping filling of disconnect that you can’t quite pin point.  Your life’s purpose doesn’t quite connect. When you are with someone who doesn’t fit into what you know you’re called to do, the relationship will suffer. Maybe you share the same interests, but the values that you hold dear to you do not align. It may not seem important now but when life throws its biggest challenges at you how will you and your partner handle it? Or when opportunity comes your way that has everything to do with your purpose, but your partner doesn’t quite get it, how will you all handle it? Being with someone who not only understands but is a part of your life’s calling is beautiful.